The Lena Menstrual Cup review is for the 3 friends (looking at you AM, AP, & LM) who fell off their chair when I sent them a screenshot of my Amazon order. Their first reaction was “OMG” quickly followed by “I really want to know how that cup doodad works out, like don’t hold back the details!” Thus, here I am to really talk about this from the perspective of someone who’d never thought they’d stick this thing up there to collect that stuff.
Disclaimer 1: We all know I won’t spare my actual thoughts of using this for the first time. But, I will refrain from making it feel like a murder mystery. I also think that there’s a lot of “omg, you can’t talk about periods” because it’s not “proper”. Well, pretending that it doesn’t happen is also pretending that the sun doesn’t exist. It’s life, nature, and biology. And, sometimes the truth of the matter is that the truth can be messy. Here, messy is a complete understatement.
Disclaimer 2: I know this is a delicate, personal matter. What you do up there is really not my business. I am only here to share with you my experience with the Lena Menstrual cup. I also know there are many options out there for how we all can handle this situation. Pads in all different shapes, sizes, absorbency levels, wings, and no wings. There are also tampons that are “conventional” and “organic”. The risks and benefits of each kind of method you want to use are all your own. I am not here to change your mind, only to share my experience with the Lena Menstrual cup. This is not a debate about tampons shocking you or pads making you feel like you’re swimming in a liquid that keeps you alive. Choose and use responsibly. This is our hygiene here. Especially down there where things can go awry very quickly. If you have questions, please consult your physician.
With that said, let’s get into it.
I am about to use the Lena Menstrual Cup only for the second time, so my experience is definitely not of professional grade. However, I thought this might be useful for anyone who’s been looking at a similar product for that time of the month, yet unsure about making the jump. What drove me to get the Lena Menstrual Cup was purely out of curiosity and it was starting to kill this cat. I kept wondering what’s the big dang deal about this cup thing??
For starters, I wanted to sleep better without the fear of waking up like this.
You are probably thinking “Duh, tampons”. At this point, the conversation can get pretty sensitive about what you want to stick up there or if you’d rather wear a cozy diaper instead. I won’t go there because again, what you do up there is not my business.
I also wanted to buy fewer boxes of pads for the simple fact that those Always Infinity’s were really getting expensive. Here’s where I will give you a warning about what people will tell you about why you should get a cup: it saves the environment, it saves money, you aren’t killing the land with your stuff, and you will be a better person because of it. The only true statement I can attest to after using it for literally one time is *might probably* save the environment. But, I’m not here to be the Recycle Renegade. You will see why I say *might* shortly.
Without getting into more background, like getting close to sharing my medical records with you, let’s also just say that the flow of things changed after having kids. Thankfully, though, the cramps have subsided completely and I am no longer fainting from pain in the bathroom stall at work. True story. It happened a few times and when I came around, I had no idea where I was and how long I was out for.
I also wanted to sleep on white, organic cotton sheets without laying a towel down.
Anyway, the short of it all is: I wanted to sleep without fear of a bloody mess and I thought I might save some money.
Out of the Box
Of course, Amazon Prime, you are so fast. I love you. But, the box came all nice and when I opened it, the Lena Menstrual Cup looked inviting, friendly, not too intimidating, and pretty cute. You get three color choices: purple, this mint green, and pink. It comes in two sizes: large and small. Large if you’ve had kids or have a heavy flow. Small if you’ve never had kids or have a normal flow. It looked small in my hand and I thought “Ok, it’s smaller than a newborn, how bad could this be?” The only thing about the packaging is that it’s slightly hard to open without ripping it apart especially if you need to take pictures of said box. Somehow, it’s ingeniously tucked into itself like one of those crazy origami animals.
Current Time: 1030am
Slightly graphic here. It took a good 15-20 minutes to build up the nerve to read the instructions and then figure out how I wanted to “fold” the cup in order for it to fit up there. Remember how I said it looked smaller than a newborn so how bad could it be? Well, a newborn is coming out and you have no choice but to control their exit. A cup is going in and it’s about the size of a Cutie tangerine. Imagine trying to fold a Cutie in a way that it fits up there. We are once again trying not to deal with a watermelon coming out of there, but also a small tangerine going in.
Why am I doing this?? Because my friends were curious and I wanted to have a moment of such a quote below. But, I kinda felt like my life ended every time I had to empty the cup.
So once you fold the dang thing and pray that it doesn’t rip open your lady parts when it opens up and makes that suction sound *sh…slrrrrPPPPPP*. You wait. You will know immediately if it’s not in all the way. It will feel like your uterus is halfway out of your lady hole, similar to a prolapse (Google this if you dare) of some sort. So, you try again and then if it’s in right, you shouldn’t feel anything.
I don’t know about you, but no matter what, you’re gonna feel something the size of a Cutie Tangerine in your hoohah, ok? It simply becomes unnoticeable over time. Now that you think it’s all secure, you go about your business and hope for the best.
First 6-12 Hours
I’m dying and the proof is in my hands. It’s leaking so I have my trusty friend named P. Liner. It says you can keep it in there for “some time” but you can FEEL it overflowing. Imagine filling up a large pitcher of mimosa and walking across a slippery wooden floor in 4-inch heels. It’s like that. But hey, I’ll keep at it to make sure I’m not doing anything wrong.
Update: I’ve emptied Lena like 4 times now. I’m about to go to 5pm boot camp and see if I don’t spill all over the floor. Wish me luck. To emtpy, you have to pull on this little strip and ever so *carefully* pull it out. If you pull it out, I swear to you, your uterus and fallopian tubes will follow.
Update: It’s now 630pm and I’ve returned from boot camp. Halfway through, I could feel it leaking. I’m not working out gently, but I’m also not like Jean Claude Van Damme here. Ugh. I’m going to shower and get ready for the night.
Update: It’s now 10pm and I am getting ready for bed. I made sure to lock all the doors because no one needs to nonchalantly walk in to ask me how my day was whilst in the middle of a murder scene. Pleasantly surprised that it’s much easier to empty, clean, and reinsert Lena in the shower. Hoping to sleep 5 hours straight in any position other than on my back, like a corpse, so I don’t leak all over the place.
First 24 Hours
It’s 8am and I woke up twice to pee. The first pee trip seemed fine. The second pee trip at 4am, I had to empty and clean out Lena. It’s no fun reinserting at 4am. I’m not really feeling this thing TBH.
To be fair, it’s my heavy day/night and you know what, we get clots ok? Lena can’t handle it and every time I go to empty it, it’s full. Full! I’m even using the size meant for the ones who are older, bleed more, had some kids and I cannot. I’m not a bloody cave even though I’m making it seem like I am.
I’m still going to keep trying and will have one final update a few months from now.
After the 4th MONTH
Well, FTS. Bloody hell, I was/am a bloody mess. I do not like nor tolerate the sight of blood whether it’s coming from me or someone I love. You are on your own if you’re bleeding out, yo. I cannot. It’s just a few teaspoons they said. Try like 500 little Lena Menstrual cups or something really close to that. It won’t leak at all they said. HAHAHA. I saved the environment for 4 months and you know what I wasted? Tons of panties, semi-decent ones AND the ones designated just for periods. They’re all gone and now I have to find newly designated period panties.
I know tons of people who are near and dear to me who love this. Maybe they bleed less than me. Maybe their cup adheres really securely to their birth canal. Maybe their anatomy is just perfect and they actually do bleed those 2 cute little teaspoons for only 3.5 days. I don’t know!
It honestly KIND OF works but definitely not on my 1 day where I turn into that bloody elevator GIF. To be fair, nothing really works too well on this day. I burn through tampons and pads like no other and it’s apparently normal. I’m just close to menopause and things go out of hand. It’s the simple truth of the matter.
I think this works well for light-normal days. Wonderful if you’re at home or the office or sleeping or even a very light work out. I think it’d be perfect for days you are flying and don’t want to fumble with pads or tampons during turbulence. If you are always pretty light or have pretty normal flows, this is the one for you. Make sure you clean it thoroughly. Make sure you use a liner just in case. Again, nothing is ever certain here other than death and taxes. Unless you are a stationary, sturdy pipe, you’re probably going to leak, even a little bit.
If your middle name during that time of the month is Bloody Hell, then I don’t recommend this. The tampon or pad situation is already messy enough. This will only be messier! If the sight of blood makes you queasy, this definitely is not for you. I was amazed but how much I actually bled, but then I also had confirmation that I actually do die a little each month and wasn’t sure how to process that.
Lena Menstrual cup is convenient when you need more time than what a tampon or Always Infinity pad can afford you. It’s inconvenient in that you need a sink, water, and soap to reuse it. And you know what? With a tampon, you are near the area and you do get your fingers a bit bloody. But, with the cup, you are further up the ladder to ensure perfect suction adherence. Ugh. Just can’t do that multiple times a day with the rate of bleedage I experience.
“Oh god is it normal to bleed that much?” you ask? Well, I’m not actually dead YET, so sure, yes.
There’s a time, place, situation, and day of your cycle that this would be PERFECT. You get to decide on that. For me, I’m back to Always Infinity at night and found some lovely organic tampons for days, times, and situations I can’t be fidgeting with a woman diaper. The Lena Menstrual cup is cute, it’s inviting, and it has its purpose. I think all forms of period management are great and none are more superior than others. Go with with you feel comfortable with during the most uncomfortable time of the month for you.
I hope this review helps anyone who is on the fence or curious about the cup. Give it a try. It really is great to have on hand even if you don’t use it every month. Again, during the normal-light days, where you’re near a sink, and you have some even where you can’t be worrying about changing your tampon/pad every few hours. Ex: friend’s wedding, short hike, dinner date, brunch, coffee, or if you want a good 4 hour stretch of sleep.
P.S. I’m done using the word cup, forver.